Examination is just a memory tester

What makes me having such competitive mind set back then?

1. Siblings

I do have an elder brother who is older than me by 3 years and during that days he would always get anything he wants in exchange to his grades. He's smarter, fast, hard working.... My mom would always made comparison between both of us. Difference is, I'm slower and I don't learn things in a fast pace because I get confuse easily and I see no wrong in that. I'm always treated unfairly just because my grades didn't met mom's criteria which always makes her fuming mad, all I received from her was always scolding and canning. Dad who was always the one defending me as he knows I'm a slow learner, he doesn't compare because he himself doesn't takes education seriously and but he was lucky enough to take up a high post in a company... and that was back then. I have totally no idea what makes my mom that comparative till....... point 2.

2. Relatives

Yes, this is soooooooooo fucked up. Some of my relative would always questioned my mom in regards to education wise. Without fail on every Chinese New Year, they would ask "how your ah girl/boy doing ah?" this always irritates me and fill me with abhorrence. Surprisingly till now my relatives are being so competitive asking the same questions when comes to family gathering and what I do is that I ignore every words they say because their main objective was to compare which I marked them as "ECA" (education competing aunties). 

3. Classmates

This doesn't affect much but it's still a minor part of it. I bet you guys had encountered this which makes you feel that you're a failure in everything you do at this stage, I mean look, comparing with siblings, fail. Comparing with cousins, fail. Comparing with classmates, also fail... than what's next?.... Like "oh please everybody is being so competitive!" and how do I overcome all this "obstacles"? Yes I call them "obstacles".

At the age of 12 I'm lucky enough as my mom stop comparing as she leaves everything to me to decide. So from there I slowly learn to push myself to achieve something which will make her happy. I swear, it's priceless when you see your parents smiling after looking at your results. Today my grades drop real fast as the higher I climb things doesn't comes easy for me. Perhaps I would say everyone has the type of personality which hates to be forced to study, I mean my mom didn't force me, she even asked me to stop if I can't go any further which makes me feel so bad about it. Yeah I got her point after she told me this, "I understand that education is very important in Singapore but why further your education when you find study is so difficult? If you can't make it than let go rather than falling so badly after spending so much time climbing up and up which ended up not getting anything in return. (she meant certificate) Attitude is another important point too, so what if you've got the highest education with an attitude where nobody could accept? Do something you are comfortable with." When my mom first told me this, I was quite shock and I asked my mom "you serious?" and yes she is, till today when I kept complaining I'm stress over studies and kept questioning her what if I can't step up to polytechnic, she's still sticks to the same old sentence that she've told me. Not only that, I felt blessed because even my elder brother was way much smarter than me, nvr once looked down on me. The main concern wasn't about the qualifications but the attitude in us.

And right now, I have totally no feel to study and I get really sick of studying. I mean, I dun detest studying but it just makes me so sick and tired of it. What I realize is, examination is just testing how much information you can memorize. I bet after every examination, you would forget everything you've learnt. Not everybody ended up like this but majority would.

Before ending my post, time check now is 1.45a.m and I took exactly 2 hours to blog. Its late now and its time to hit the sack! Goodnight!